Monday, September 8, 2008

Feed your Faith

Wow, it took me awhile to get back to this didn't it?

Just to update: I took a little more time off in order to lose some weight. Which I did. I was down 45 pounds. Still about 30 from goal, but learning how to eat and making it a lifestyle change has been my main goal. The other major change is that after posting the last few blogs, we had a change of heart with the original clinic. After the first of the year, we changed and I found the best doctor ever. I think finding the right clinic and being absolutely comfortable with the staff and the doctors makes IF bearable some days.

So after getting my charts together and determining what will be the best course of action, we started and IUI cycle. The first cycle went well. Tried some different meds and it seemed to be the one. It wasn't. We tried it again and after about 9 days of stimulation, my ovaries weren't responding. The follicles just wouldn't grow. I am sure alot of women with PCOS understands what that feels like. Doc cancelled the cycle due to non-response. The meeting with the RE was difficult but encouraging. He suggested going right to IVF.


That was my first thought. But we had taken some preparations for it this time. At the first of the year, we took advantage of my DH's FlexSpending Plan at work. We did the max. Did the max on mine too (only half as much.) So this will cover meds and 1 IVF cycle. But by the time we decided to do an IVF cycle, we had already spent quite a bit on meds for the 1.5 IUI cycles. We almost asked family, but I wasn't sure how it would go over. We got a loan...for one cycle still having money for meds in the spending account.

IVF cycles are stressful. But for some reason, I felt good. Not just optimistic good, but faith in a higher power good.

Some of my friends and I were talking about what you go through doing IVF. Trying not to stress is the hardest thing. I think the internet may make it worse. Now we can research each and every one of our fears!

We wait to see if our follicles will grow. We wait to see how many eggs we get. We wait to see how many fertilized. Then we wait to see when we get to transfer. THEN, you get to wait to see if you get good beta numbers. I haven't seen this much hurry up and wait since I was in the NAVY. But this one changes your life. This is the one that you have been waiting for your whole life. Sometimes the wait feels excruciating.

You know one of the biggest things I have learned so far in this? It isn't in your hands. You can believe that it is in the doctors, labs, nurses hands. I believe that it is in GOD's hands. I think that made a hugh difference. Faith.

I read this great phrase one day. I don't know where it comes from but it says "Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death."

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